Friday, October 21, 2011

I promise to post updates soon

I am sorry I have not updated lately:~( I have not been feeling very well...to say the least. I am approx 7 weeks along right now, and just started feeling sick about 4 days ago. There is lots to update, and I promise to soon! Just bear with me while I deal with this morning sickness.

God Bless,

Vicki

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Kids say and do the cutest things

After Kenny and I confirmed we were expecting, we told Aohdan that "Mommy had a baby in her belly."  Well Aohdan thought I said "Bug" and proceeds to go into the kitchen and get a spoon out of the silverware drawer.  He comes walking towards me and I asked him what he was going to use the spoon for and he says very matter-of-factly, "Mommy, I'm going to get the bug out of your belly."  Lololol.

When I clarified that I said "Baby" and not "Bug," well then he wanted to know how it got in there and when it was coming out.  Oh boy... 

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Aohdan Interview 1-GFCF for over a month




This interview was taken using the handy FlipVideo HD Camcorder that Generation rescue so gratiously provided for us to use while involved in the Family Grant Program (thanks Gen Rescue!!!). Anyhoo, I thought it would be really cool to do a series of 'Aohdan Interviews' to really watch his progress as he makes the journey through biomedical and the Gluten-free, Casein-free diet.

In this video you will notice he answers questions fairly well. But notice how some of the questions he doesn't seem to understand what I'm asking and gives an answer totally unrelated? Before we started the GFCF diet, he would just get mad and yell at me if I asked him about his day at school. So this is a big improvement over just a month ago! Very excited!!!http://gfcf.com/

Saturday, September 17, 2011

GFCF Pizza Pockets

When we decided to go GFCF, the one thing my son reallllllly cried for was pizza rolls.  Ever looked at the label on a package of commercial pizza rolls.  Ummm, yeah....talk about a preservative fest.  When I really read the ingredients I was shocked, and a bit ill.

So I made it my mission to make my son GFCF pizza rolls, or at least something close.  Here is my list of ingredients:

Namaste Pizza Crust Mix

Pizza Sauce

Daiya Mozzarella Cheese Shreds

Quite possible the best pepperoni EVER!


*Side note*  If you just want to make pizzas, one package of each of these ingredients make exactly (4) 9" Pizzas.  I bought these little cake pans and they work perfectly and are the PERFECT size. 

But back to the pizza pockets...
First I mixed up the batter...  Can I just say I LOVE my Kitchen Aid?  Seriously one of the best investments I've ever made!

And lightly cooked the pepperoni...

 
Then I cut up the pepperoni in tiny little chunks...

 
and mixed together the pizza sauce, Daiya mozzarella shreds, and cut up pepperoni chunks in a mixing bowl...

Next I spooned 2 TBSP of the Namaste Pizza Crust mix into each cup cake hole, Spooned 1 Heaping TBSP of the sauce/pepperoni/cheese mix on top, and spooned 2 more TBSP of the pizza crust mix on top.  I then had to take a spoon and spread it carefully so all of the sauce mixture was covered.  This is what they looked like before going into the oven.  I baked at 400 for approx 15-20 min.  It may take a little longer, so if you make these at home you'll have to keep checking them....

And here is the finished product!  See how the sauce mixture is sort of oozing out the side.  They were Delish! YUM!!  Best of all?  Aohdan loved them, and that made it worth it!

I will try to post all of my cooking adventures!

God Bless,

Vicki


Sunday, September 11, 2011

Behavioral changes

Before I get into the meat of this post, it is imperative to understand how much Aohdan adores his iPad.  If we ask him to put it down, or shut it off, it is MELTDOWN city! 

This is our life.

One of our nurses also has an iPad, and Aohdan will often help himself to her's because, you know, it's 'different' than ours.  Lol.  Nightime is the worst though, or when Jennifer goes home and has to take her iPad away.  Aohdan usually yells and cries and just generally throws a fit.  Well tonight, Aohdan was watching a movie on Jennifer's iPad and she was giving me report on Ava and heading home.  She simply said, "Aohdan, I'm going home can I have my iPad?"  He simply said, "Ok.  Here."  And handed it to her.  Not a single complaint.  Jennifer and I just looked at each other like, "Did that really just happen?"  It was definitely a change from the norm, but GOOD!  So suffice it to say we have defintely noticed some positive changes since starting this diet.

I still remember that psychologist from Children's hospital telling me, and I ""..."The GFCF diet is folk medicine.  It is not scientific, and parents who think they see  benefit are only experiencing a placebo effect."  Well you know what Dr. ----, you can take your negative attitude and shove it, because I am well aware of what 'scientific' means.  Here's what 'Scientific' means...

"a method of procedure that has characterized natural science since the 17th century, consisting in systematic observation, measurement, and experiment, and the formulation, testing, and modification of hypotheses."


So yeah I am prettttty sure that behavioral changes from the GFCF diet are able to be 'observed, measured,' and all the rest of it.  And the placebo effect?  Come on...  Moving on now...

I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound bitter, but what bothers me most is hat this man, and others like him,  is that he is in a position of influence!  I'm a strong thinker and rarely ever take advice without researching it.  But a lot of parents blindly follow what Dr's say!  I still like the vaccine argument...So Dr. ---, explain to me again why I had 9 vaccines growing up, and my children get 35+?  Then I sit back and laugh to myself as they use fancy medical jargon to explain why our kids get all this crap into their system. 


Going off topic, vaccines are a topic for a different post, and not tonight. 

Well, goodnight all!

May God Bless you and keep you!

Blog under construction!

Please bear with me while I figure out a good, working template for Ava's blog.  YOu may see a different design each time you visit, just be patient!

Thanks,

Vicki

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Second day of school - MUCH better


Last Thursday, 8/31, was Aohdan's first day of school.  But the school only took 1/2 the kindergartners on Thursday the 31st, and the other 1/2 on Friday the 1st.  Someone told me once that kindergartners are like 'herding cats' (lol) so the staff wanted to make certain there were plenty of hands to help get the newest members of the school well adjusted=)

As you all know, his first day of school did not start off well.  But today was much better!  He talked to me about 'Miss Julie' picking him up, even though he did spend a few minutes making comments like,

"School is DONE."
"I already went to school Mommy, no More!"
"There is no school today"
"School is sick"
"I am sick"
"These boots hurt my feet"
"These socks hurt my feet"
"I don't want pancakes, I want eggs"
"I don't want eggs, I want pancakes"
"Sissy can go to school, I'm staying here"
"My iPad needs me here"

...Uhhhh....I am NOT kidding about these comments either, lol, all in a matter of about 10 minutes.  But when it came to getting his coat on and heading out to the bus stop, he was fine!  He smiled at Miss Julie and walked on the bus and found a seat with no problem.  It was a much easier morning to say the least.

The picture below was actually a picture of the first day of school, but it was so cute, I'm including it again!

Sunday, September 4, 2011

We're pretty much casein (dairy) free.

Up until this weekend we've been strict on the gluten portion of the GFCF diet but we have still been giving Aohdan 'raw' dairy products such as raw cow/goat milk, and ice cream (sparingly) made with raw cream. We've also been using homemade butter made with raw cream.

Well, this weekend was it! All dairy is officially gone! I made a trip to whole foods and bought stuff to replace butter, milk, and ice cream.

*I replaced raw cow/goat milk with unsweetened almond milk
*I replaced the butter with earth balance vegan buttery sticks and coconut oil
*And I replaced regular dairy ice cream with coconut milk ice cream. It is delish!

So tonight for dinner he actually asked for his pizza, and then he finished his pizza and asked for his "new ice cream." His behavior today has been overall very good. He had a melt down at church today because he wanted to go to his friend Tyler's house. Since then though he has been really good. He even said "please" and "thank you" for stuff today.

So I've come to a realization that dairy is probably not good for me either.  I may not be 'allergic' persay, but since I was a kid I remember getting this mucousy feeling in my throat everytime I drank milk. And I mean everytime. I never did much care for milk growing up unless I was eating something very sweet, and it had to be ice cold. I tried a glass of Aohdan's almond milk and I LOVE IT! Another perk is that it only has 40 calories per 8oz glass. Regular milk (2%) has 110 I believe.  In reading symtoms of dairy intolerance, I pretty much have all of them.  Not that I'm jumping all the way on the band wagon, but if cutting way back on dairy (or eliminating it altogether) increases my level of health...it just makes sense right?

Have a great evening and God Bless!

Vicki

I am pretty excited about this journey, and I'm excited to get my baby back. I am excited about getting Aohdan to a point where he feels good.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

School Update

I'm not sure who all I talked to about our final decision regarding Aohdan's school....but we have decided to put him in kindergarten at our local school district. We actually did get notice from Haugland's that there was a spot for us beginning on 9/16, but I was feeling very anxious about the drive to Dublin 5 days a week. It just felt like so much to put on our, already piled-high, plate.

So I called the school administrator and had a long talk with her about my worries and concerns. She really eased my mind a lot! She basically told me that Aohdan deserved the chance to show us what he could do. And you know what? She was right. The morning that school started, I got Aohdan up early and made him a good breakfast of eggs and pancakes (gluten/casein free of course) and let him play on the iPad for a little while. As soon as I mentioned that the school bus would be here he started crying and whining and complaining. Ahhhhh, it was so hard to listen to. I longed for a child excited to do something. Instead it felt like I was being drug down into that pit again...

So needless to say I was really worried about how his first day of school went. How awesome it felt to hear the administrator inform me the next day that Aohdan had an 'excellent' day at school. Yayyyy!!

First Day of Kindergarten

Our Story - 38 Min Documentary

Ava's Story from Vicki Ballenger on Vimeo.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Don't judge parents until you've walked in their shoes

One of the hardest things for me is that, often, Aohdan just doesn't seem happy.  He yells, wines, cries, you name it.  And he repeats back the things he has heard Kenny and I say to him.  It is like pouring salt on an open wound to hear your child say to you, "Mommy!!  I said QUIT I'm NOT going to tell you again!!  Now knock it off!!"  It is like everytime I lose my temper, he is like a tape recorder that remembers EVERYTHING I say.  And then guess what happens?  I sink into the 'I'm a horrible mother' pit of despair.  Aohdan is not an easy child to parent, but I love him with all my heart.  We try our best to not spank him, but occasionally he does get a swat on the behind.  And I do mean occasionally.  Like once a month.  But to hear how he carries on in public, you would think he was beaten daily.  I mean it is hard.  This is an example of what happens.

I take him to the local Denny's as a treat, I'm trying to do something nice right?  I mean we've taken away wheat, dairy, artificial food dyes, and so much other stuff, that I do everything I can to make him happy.  So we get a seat at the local Denny's, oh and we have to sit in this one particular booth and he has to sit on the same side every time or he is not happy.  So we settle into our favorite booth and he decides that he wants his chocolate milk BEFORE he eats.  SO I tell him "No" that he has to eat first.  So immediately he is in a bad mood.  Then the waitress comes to take our order and looks at Aohdan, who is now extremely winey and complaining, and says, "Hi Aohdan how are you today?"  To which he responds by yelling at the top of his lungs "Don't look at me!  I said No!  I'm NOT gonna tell you AGAIN!"  By now most people in the restaurant have glanced in our direction.  So I tell the waitress to come back in a few minutes.  At this point Aohdan is still talking loud and making a scene.  That's it.  We're taking a trip to the bathroom.

I don't say a word, I simply get up and quietly take his hand.  At which point he starts SCREAMING all the way to the bathroom, "NO MOMMY!  DON'T HIT ME!  DON'T SPANK ME MOMMY!!  PLEEEEASSSSE!  DON'T HIT ME!!!" 

I am mortified.  I can just feel peoples' eyes piercing the back of my head as I continue walking to the bathroom with a screaming child thats acts as if he is getting beaten.  It is a feeling I cannot quite put into words.  You see men place a lot of their self-worth on how well they provide for their families.  Women, well we place our self worth on our children.  And when you have a child that acts miserable a lot of the time, it is really hard to feel good about yourself. 

So we get to the bathroom and I get down on one knee and look at Aohdan sternly.  See as soon as we get to the bathroom he quits crying.  Because it's just him and I, there is no one in the bathroom to put on a show for.  That;s how I feel about it anyway.  So I tell him in a stern voice that he needs to straighten up and be nice or we are going home.  And he is good the rest of the visit.  But on the way back to our seat we have to walk by the same people again.  Who by now are probably looking at me with disgust because they assume I took my child to the bathroom to beat him.  I wipe away a tear on my way back to our table.  What started out to be an enjoyable Mother/Son trip to Denny's has ended up being, yet another, episode of yelling and screaming.

Now I know kids who are NOT autistic who have done these types of things.  I have a friend who's son has ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) and she has quit taking him out in public because of the outbursts.  So I know that it's not just parents of autistic kids who deal with this...a LOT of parents feel my pain.

So next time you see a child have a melt down in public, and you see the mother or father lose their cool, try to set aside any judgement.  For all you know that mom could have been listening to that child yell at her for the past several hours, or several days, and unless you've dealt with that....you have no idea what it's like.

I love my child with all my heart.  So let's take a minute of prayer right now for all the mom's who are dealing with hard-to-parent kids. 

Love you all and God Bless!

Vicki

Sunday, August 28, 2011

More GFCF cooking

This weekend was a big cooking weekend.  I would like to plan maybe 1 weekend a month to really spend time in the kitchen and cook up a bunch of food for the freezer.  This makes it easy for everyone in our household, staff included, to grab something quickly out of the fridge or freezer for Aohdan.  It also makes it possible for me to stay OUT of the kitchen during the week so I can concentrate on other things. 

So far this weekend we have made...

2 dozen homemade 'Reese's cups'













3 pounds of chicken tenders




16 homemade pizzas, this is the dough during the 'rising' process



The assembly line..


I didn't get pictures of everything, but here's the tally of food made.

*3lbs chicken tenders
*3 dozen pancakes
*1 dozen reese's cups
*10 quarts pasta sauce
*7 quarts canned tomatoes (and 2 more bushels left to can!)
*16 homemade pizzas

Sunday Dinner...our way

I thought some of you might find it interesting to see what goes into a home-cooked meal at our house.  Although it may look like a lot of work, it's really not that bad once you get used to it.  Having a family meal after church on Sunday is a tradition at our house.  And we usually go to Bob Evans, but sometimes I like to just stay home and relax.  So today I decided to make Spaghetti with meat sauce and garlic-y bread sticks.

This is what went into making it. 

First, I picked some tomatoes from my garden.  The picture below is a combination of my tomatoes and the ones I picked up in amish country.  There is about 1/2 bushel in this picture.  They were grown in organic soil with no pesticides, etc. 

Then I boiled them, peeled them, and began the long simmering process.  All of this was completed last night.  At least the boiling and peeling.  I let them simmer on low all night and then finished letting it cook down today after church.
Next, I browned deer hamburger.  Go head, get all your "Eeewwwws!" out.  A lot of people don't like deer burger but there are a couple things to keep in mind. 
1st:  Deer is naturally hormone-free, antibiotic-free, and they only eat good greens
2nd:  It is verrry low in fat.  It would be the equivilent to buying the 96/4 lean hamburger in the store.
3rd:  And it does taste good, so get over yourself and try it!

As far as the pasta I chose, I have tried different brands and to be honest most gluten-free does not have a great texture.  And I'm a big texture person.  This is my fav brand and as you can see it is free of all the most common food allergens..AND it is delicious with a great texture!

Next for the bread sticks I used a bag of Bob's gluten-free pizza dough mix.  One pizza mix made MORE than enough bread sticks for all 5 of us!  The cool thing is, since I am doing weight watchers, I calculated out the points values and, as long as I stay away from all the cheese, 3 breadsticks were only 5 points-yippee!!  So I made 2 pans with cheese and 2 pans without cheese.  They were delish!!

This is what they looked like before they went into the oven...
And this is what the finished product (with cheese) looked like...

Needless to say we all ate and enjoyed ourselves immensely!  The cool thing about today's meal was the dent on my wallet.  Eating healthy can be expensive, but here's the breakdown on today's meal.

Tomatoes = free from my own garden
Deer burger = ummm, yeah that was free.  Kenny shot a deer on the last day of hunting season out the back door of our house!  Lol!
Breadsticks = $4.69 for (1) Bob's pizza crust mix
Cheese = $2 and it was amish country made from raw milk!
Pasta = $3.69

Grand total for a great homemade meal for 5?  a little over $10=')

Oh and the best part is we had (5) gladware containers of the sauce leftover for the freezer.  And each container is enough for one dinner.  Very cool huh?

So the last picture, check out my homemade canned goods=')  I have 20quarts of organic canned tomatoes in the basement, and I'm getting ready to can probably 40 more.  It cost me $28 for 2 heaping bushels of tomatoes from amish country, which will yield 40 quarts.  This is MORE than enough to last an entire year and can be made into homemade pasta sauce, and a slew of other great recipes.  Tomatoes are so healthy too!

Aren't they pretty?






Friday, August 26, 2011

I'm just so tired...

I've always considered myself a pretty healthy person, but it seems over the past few years my system is less resilient than it once was.  I know that stress can weaken a person's system and allow things to happen.  I just feel sometimes like I can't quite catch my breath enough to stop and really take care of ME.  Ahhh...  And in this case it happens to be mental stress and worry.  After Aohdan's diagnosis I started to feel overwhelmed with all the things that needed done for him, school, possibly transporting him to Dublin every day, cooking all his food.  And sure enough, on Wednesday of this week I got sick.  Like laying around on the couch all day sick.  Then today I'm sitting at my brother's office and started feeling clammy and shaky like low blood sugar type symptoms.  And it didn't really go away until I got outside and walked around in the fresh air.  I HATE HATE HATE feeling unhealthy, like my system is weak.

I broke down crying earlier this week when I felt myself getting sick, I told Kenny "I cannot afford to get sick!  This family needs a healthy mom!"  He just looked at me and shook his head and asssured me that it was 'okay' if I got sick.  In my own little perfect world, I would like to only handle one bad thing at a time.  Can I order that up God?  Ahhh...I really miss my mom.  It just seems like everything hits at once ya know?  I get done with school, and then we're hit with Aohdan's diagnosis, medicaid trying to cut corners, and then my body decides to protest.  RRRrrrr!!!  Ok did I mention I need a beach?  On top of all this, I've been desparately trying to lose 30lbs.  I gained 30 lbs with Ava's pregnancy, then lost it, then gained it all back again.  Really?  And I have definitely figured out that stress does not have a good effect on my eating habits OR my ability to lose weight.  Besides WANTING to lose weight, it does not help any health issues I have right now.  Oh, did I mention I was diagnosed with GERD last week too? 

So I really need to catch a break.  I need to be healthy, I WANT to be healthy, to have the strength to fight the battles ahead with my kids and life in general.  I feel like these last few years have really aged me.  I used to take more pride in my appearance, now sometimes I got out in public in outfits that would make a teenager cringe.  Sometimes I feel like I run so much that there is no time for doing my hair, or shaving, or make-up,,what is that?  I remember one day last week I out on lip gloss, mascara, and actually combed my hair.  Our nurse looks at me and goes, "Awwww you look sooo pretty!"  It's because I NEVER get dolled up anymore!  By the way if whining bothers you, you should probably visit another blog.  Cuz I'm in a whining kinda mood tonight.  I feel fat, tired, old, and I wish I had healthy kids.  Ok pity party over...lol.

Lord please send some favor my way.  Show me what to do.  I pray Your hand guide me in all things.  Thank you Lord. 

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Filling out enrollment paperwork today, hoping for an open spot!

I'm heading up to Haugland's today to fill out an enrollment application.  I was told there were little to no spots available in the kindergarten class.  They explained that they will do what they can to get him in but that he may have to go on a waiting list. 

Worst case scenario we will have to go ahead and enroll him in our local school district and wait for a spot to open up at Haugland's.  Praying that we do not have to put him in regular school, but if we do then so be it I guess. 

So we're leaving out here in a bit, wish us luck!

Monday, August 22, 2011

Another quick GFCF update

For the past week or so Aohdan has had more 'depth' of conversation than he ever has, but he has also had more intense meltdowns.  All of this I was told could be expected during the early days of the GFCF diet.  So I guess you could say there's been more 'good' AND more 'bad.'  In the car business I was always used to using the term the 'J curve.'  Basically it means it's gonna get worse before it gets better, that's just how it goes.  So in the midst of his angry spells and mouthiness, I am starting to see the 'fog' lift a bit.  It's still very early in the game though.

A day in the life of a GFCF (Gluten Free Casein Free) Mommy

Well it's been a pretty crazy week, but today was a good day.  Felt like I got quite a bit accomplished.  I called Haugland's and set up an appointment to visit, and I'm also taking Aohdan this Thursday to fill out an enrollment application.  They will do a screen to see what grade level he tests out of and see if there is a spot for him in the school.  I am soooo excited! 
So I mentioned the other day that we were approved for the Generation Rescue Family Grant.  To qualify for the grant we are required to adhere to a strict gluten-free casein-free diet during the 90-day grant period.  For those of you who do not know what the GFCF diet is, here's a crash course.  'Gluten' is found in wheat products, and 'casein' is a protein found in dairy products.  Up to this point we were [sort of] following the GFCF diet, with the exception of raw dairy products.  To qualify for the grant we will have to be strictly casein free-no dairy at all-for the 90 day grant period.
Which leads me to tonight's blog title.
Aohdan currently has a very narrow food range.  He only wants chicken nuggets, pizza, french fries, reese's cups, and applesauce.  Oh and PB&J=)  So wanting him to still be able to enjoy his favorite foods, I've had to make-from-scratch pizza, chicken nuggets, reese's cups, and bread for PB&J's.  This has been no small feat as EVERYTHING seems to have wheat and dairy in it!  The reese's cups [for example] I had to seek out special chocolate chips that have no dairy and still taste good!  The brand?  Enjoy Life Foods makes a delicious chocolate chip that tastes JUST like the real thing.  So just to allow my son the enjoyment of the occasional reese's cup, here's the recipe:

(1) Jar Smucker's Natural Creamy Peanut Butter
1/2 Cup Powdered Sugar
(1) Bag Enjoy Life Chocolate Chips
1/2 Bar Bakers Wax
12 Large Cupcake Cups

Mix PB and Sugar until well blended, set aside
Melt Chocolate Chips and Wax together over a double boiler set up

Spoon 2 Tbsp melted chocolate into each paper cupcake cup
Spoon 1 Heaping Tbsp PB mixture on top
Press down until flat
Spoon 2 more Tbsp melted chocolate on top
Allow to cool and
Voila!
12 Large 'Reese's Cups'
These freeze very well:)

So this is just one example.  I want Aohdan to be able to enjoy eating out with us, and he likes to order the kids pizza and fries when he visits the local Denny's with his PaPa.  So I've learned to sneak one of his GFCF pizzas in a lunch box to the server.  The staff has been wonderful about working with us.  They throw my homemade pizza in the oven or microwave, and bring it out on a plate with fries so he still gets to enjoy eating out.  The funny thing is he knows it's my pizza, but he still enjoys it anyway.  So about twice a month (or more) I have a cooking party where I make-from-scratch chicken nuggets, pancakes, reese's cups, pizza, oh and I did I mention ice cream?  Home made ice cream is Delish!  Though I need to find a good recipe that uses coconut or almond milk...

So going GFCF is no small feat.  But it is WORTH it for my baby!  One of our nurse's who has an autistic son went GFCF over a year ago, and I remember thinking that she was a little over-the-top about it all.  But you know what, now I get it!  I don't believe the GFCF diet is a cure all, but definitely a piece of the puzzle I feel.  I am anxious and excited to begin the journey of biomedical intervention.  And I am verrrry curious to see what the lab results will say is in Aohdan's system.  I will be posting about all of it.  I believe it is an important journey to share.




 

Saturday, August 20, 2011

2011 River Car Rally Video

We Got Approved for the Generation Rescue Grant!



The day after Aohdan got his autism diagnosis I applied for the Family Grant from Generation Rescue.  I applied on 8/17 and today I got an email that WE WERE APPROVED!  I am SOOOO excited!  This is a big deal because it pays for us to take Aohdan to a DAN! Dr.  DAN! Dr's do tons of testing for heavy metals and other toxins and work with the parents to create a treatment plan catered to your child.  A typical pediatrician won't even test for heavy metals...because mainstream medicine doesn't believe that autism can be anything but a neurological disorder.

The fact is that most autistic kids that are actually tested end up having heavy metal toxicity, yeast overgrowth, and leaky gut syndrome.  Ugghh... 

I am just soooo grateful to get approved for this grant, because Kenny and I DO NOT have the money to pay for a DAN! Dr.  Insurance does not pay for it because it is outside of mainstream protocol, and the average first visit is $575, and the lab testing can run in the neighborhood of $700-$1200.  So believe me when I tell you I am beyond elated to get approved for this grant! 

Friday, August 19, 2011

Feels like I'm getting sick

It seems like the last couple times I've been through a stressful time in life I've ended up getting sick.  It seems it may be happening again, but this time it's a little different.  For the past several months I've had the feeling of thickness in my throat, and have to keepo clearing it.  It started out mild, but the last week it's really kicked up a few notches.  I actually drove myself to the hospital yesterday and the ER doc told me she things I have esophageal reflux.  Prescribed me reflux meds, then told me to go see ENT.  Ahhh...  I am so sick of Dr's, really I am.

If you're reading this I would appreciate sending some prayer my way.  I need all the energy I can get for the months to come.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Small apology

I want to apologize if anyone is offended as some of my posts I have a few harsh words.  But I feel I need to be real and not sugar coat my emotions.  I love the Lord Jesus with all my heart and he knows I'm hurting right now.  He knows what's in my heart.  No sense trying to be all soft and proper on the outside when that's not how I'm feeling inside.  My mom used to always tell me, "Let it out," so that's what I'm doin. 

Vicki 

Reality sets in, now decisions to ponder



So.  Now that we have an official diagnosis there are some upsides to this.  Aohdan now qualifies for 'The Autism Scholarship' which entitles him to $20,000/year towards anything he needs basically.  This can be therapies, special school, anything to help him really.  I don't think it pays for any specialty Dr's, but it does pay for lots of other stuff.  I have also applied to receive the family grant from Generation Rescue, which is the foundation started by Jenny McCarthy.  The grant will help us pay for special Dr's for Aohdan.  The frustrating thing is that autism is STILL considered a behavioral disorder and not a physical disorder.  Even though it's been shown over and over that autistic kids almost always have major gut problems that affect their whole system.

So one of the really tough things I am struggling with is figuring out how Aohdan learns, what is his learning style?  I was looking over his testing results last night, and it made me really down.  His IQ scores were below the 5th percentile.  Which anyone who knows him, knows that he is smart.  He comes up with some really deep questions and comments at times.  But everytime they have tested him he fails miserably.  So then I am left feeling more kicked around, like we have somehow failed him.  The Dr kept trying to get Kenny and I to go to a parenting class, and was talking about teaching him at home.  Blah blah blah blah.  Really buddy?  So the reason I mentioned the IQ thing is because I am seriously considering sending him to a special school for the first few years to see if we can figure out how he learns best so he can learn to flourish instead of always feeling panicked.  The thought of sending him to a mainstream school is absolutely terrifying.  I know I have to step back and allow him to experience to 'real world' but this is a little different.  He doesn't see the world like we do, in fact I don't know how he sees the world, but I want to figure that out...

When a Dr gives you a bunch of paperwork and tells you to contact your county mrdd...it is a kick in the gut.  I actually felt nauseous.  But as I was so kindly reminded by my friend Theresa this morning, I know those results don't give an accurate picture of Aohdan.  I know he's smart, but he does not know how to show that when they do these stupid intelligence tests.  Listening to the cocky bastard sitting across from me tell me that the Stanford Binet is the "Gold standard" for IQ testing.  This is same man who sat across from me and told me that the Gluten-free Casein-free diet is 'folk medicine; and that parents who "think they see results are really just seeing a placebo effect."  I just wanted to yank his dumb a--- across that desk and shove all the documentation in his face proving that most autistic children benefit from the diet, not all granted, but most.  I felt my blood start to boil when he started knocking biomedical, but I kept my cool.  What an idiot...  I was actually talking to him in my head, it just didn't come out of my mouth, lol.  My thoughts would have sounded something like, "Just give me the paperwork you cocky bastard.  And take your prideful know-it-all-attitude and shove it where the son don't shine.  I shall make you eat your words.

But is it hard, so so hard, to hear someone tell you these things.  I started to feel those old feelings of being overwhelmed creeping up on me last night.  It was like deja vu, back to when Ava was born.  Here I was feeling like I am starting this special needs journey all over again.  I am looking at my already-packed planner and trying to figure out time to sit down and fill out a gazillion online forms, visit the school and make decisions about that, make more GFCF goodies for the freezer, oh and buy him more clothes for school and supplies I'm sure.  Wait, I almost forgot, I still have to study and take my state boards for nursing this month.  Ahhh, someone please, Calgon, anyway, take me away.  I need a beach, and sand, and wine, lots of it, lololol. 

But seriously everyone, just keep praying for us.  I know God is there walking us through this, but I gotta have the occasional pity party!

Love you all and thank you for reading my updates! 

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

One more thing...

I just want to add that this will be an adjustment for all of us.  But I want to ask everyone to please remember that Aohdan is, well, still just Aohdan.  He is the same funny, witty, loving boy, now he just has a diagnosis of autism.  I just wanted to add that...

Aohdan has officially been diagnosed as Autistic

It is sort of surreal to be typing this post.  Our focus for most of the past 3 years has been Ava.  I never imagined in a million years that I would have to one day say that my little girl has CP and my son is Autistic.  I've been mentally preparing for this diagnosis of Aohdan's for quite some time.  Something in me just knew there was something a-miss. 

My first memory of something being wrong was when Aohdan was about 18 months.  He only had about 5-10 words, mama, dada, papa, bye-bye, etc,etc.  Also I noticed that he didn'y play with his toys like other kids.  His big cars he would flip over and spin the wheels.  He would sit and watch the washing machine spin.  And he would open and close doors constantly, open-close-open-close-open-close, and watch the hinges while he was doing it.

At the time this was going on I was about 6 1/2 months pregnant with Ava, but I remember picking up Jenny McCarthy's book about her son Evan.  It was brand new on the shelves at the time.  And I remember Kenny asking why I bought a book about an Autistic child.  I couldn't explain why, except that I had read her other books on pregnancy and thought she was hilarious.  So I read this book, and had my first "Ah hah" moment about the doors, and the spinning objects.  I remember the next Sunday at church I literally BAWLED the entire service.  Like snotty, sobbing, swollen eyes bawling.  Kenny knew I was upset about thinking Aohdan might be Autistic, but honestly I think he figured the pregnancy hormones were getting the better of me as well.

Shortly after Aohdan turned 2 in November 2007, his language took off.  He went from barely speaking to speaking in fuill sentances.  So I was like, "Phew" guess he's not autistic!  Then as you all know our world was rocked beyond belief in December 2007 with Ava's traumatic birth.  2008 really was a big blur.  Ava spent all year in and out of children's hospital, we lost our house, life was pretty messy.  And honestly as long as Aohdan was eating and not sick, we couldn't focus on more than his basic needs. 

So shortly after we moved to Ashley in early 2009, and life settled down a bit, I finally was able to put more focus on Aohdan.  I noticed more quirky behaviors.  But there was always someone there to say, "Oh that's just a boy thing," or, "that's how all of the boys in our family behaved," or "he'll grow out of it let him be a kid."  All in all it took me going to FOUR specialists to finally get him, and us, the help he needs by finally getting a diagnosis.  The Dr who finally saw it explained that his autism is unique because he DOES have a lot of language, but doesn't always understand things... if that makes sense.  He DOES pick up on emotion, something most autistic kiddos don't, but he does not know how to act around peers his own age.  He stated that he felt his autism,  called PDD-NOS by the medical world, was likely reversable with intervention. 

So thank God for friends around me who have already experienced this that can help, and the knowledge I've required through my own research.  But this was a hard, hard pill to swallow.  I remember when Aohdan was 3 and I really started to suspect he was on the spectrum, I remember talking to God saying, "Please God, not Aohdan.  Please just let me enjoy ONE healthy child that doesn't have a medical diagnosis, that doesn't need to see a bunch of Dr's.  But that is not that hand we were dealt.  And who am I to question the God who got us through SO MUCH in 2008, and still is.  I know He has our situation under control, and I am prepared to battle this thing called autism.  We have already made radical changes to Aohdan's diet, and have already witnessed some great improvements.

But I guess what I really need is just to say a little prayer for our family.  It IS hard, I won't lie.  I know there will be good and bad days, and there will be days Kenny and I will need some encouragement.  I just pray for strength to keep pressing on. 

Monday, August 15, 2011

MMMmmm Buckeye!!

So uhhh Mom...which ones are mine? Hands down a family favorite at the Ballengers.
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Tomorrow we FINALLY find out

 

There is a LOT of history to this post.  Too much to go into right now.  But Kenny and I have been suspicious for quite some time that Aohdan has been battling something...something that we have not been able to put our fingers on.  He is a wonderfully bright, funny, loving little boy.  But he struggles.  He struggles with conversation.  He does not seem to quite 'fit in' with kids his age.  As a mom it is as if there is some kind of block.  So I'll go more in detail about this topic at a later time.  When I actually have time to sort out my thoughts more.  But please keep Aohdan in your prayers as we struggle to figure out how to help him with his language, communication, and social skills.